Gaining a Connection to Spirituality

In the town I grew up in, the default was to be an athletic, white, well behaved, Christian faithed individual; I did not quite fit that mold. I lived in a town with fewer than 700 people, went to a PreK through 12th grade school, with a class size of forty students. Options for friends were slim pickings, which made it hard to learn and navigate through who you were when there was no room for mistakes or growth. It seemed as though everyone around you was always viewed as who they had been when we all first met... way back in kindergarten. Everyone I graduated with, I had known since we were five, even though I often felt as though they did not know me, and I honestly probably did not really know who they were either.

Waiting to find out what you believe in and who you are until college seems like such a waste of those first twelve years in school. While I agree with a higher power, often what others referred to as God, what others speak of when referring to him, and what so many around me believed, just did not sit right with me. Even the idea that it, this greater power, is a he, did not sit right with me. The idea that this whole population of people live and restrict themselves to the wills written in a book, and whose author is truly unknown, confused me... no two individuals lives or circumstances look the same, so why should the guiding principles of their lives be the same?

I was raised by a mother who experienced her own traumas around religious organizations. It was very important to her that her five children would be able to grow up deciding for themselves what they believed in. That choice she made as a parent is one I think about often, and I know I will also allow my children, when I have them, to have for themselves.

As I got older, those seemingly uniform values that all my classmates were forming continued to leave a bad taste in my mouth. At the time, I felt like a wolf in sheeps clothing, but looking back on it now, from this new perspective now an adult myself, still unsure fully what beliefs I hold and the morals I want to guide my life, I have never been happier to have been graced the freedom to form my own individualized belief system. While it is still a complex journey navigating through, and one I have not completed, it is a path that is so suited for me. Growing up, there were certain ideas I had always had: thoughts about what happens to us once we pass, what our lives are like in the afterworld, and interpretations about our use of energy, all without being taught these thoughts.

Its funny, I remember one of my first spiritual conversations with my mother. She did her best to sound unbiased through the conversation, but at this time, even for her, these concepts seemed so far fetched she did not know what to respond with except for: where did you hear that? My only response being: no where, I just think that.

I continued to develop these ideas in the back of my brain; some I still hold, some I do not. These developed from just the ones I had a predisposition with, to those I would hear around me, and so clearly did not agree with, but found aspects to some arguments with validity and possibility. Most comments and conversations surround what seemed to be rules established for religions, things expressly not allowed for them to do, and the correlated punishments. The idea of organized religion, while it may be something I will never feel represented by, I am very happy for those who do gain that fulfillment from congregating in churches. I often wonder if those who can so blindly take part in the following of organizations such as these have not yet found a reason not to, or if, through their devotion, instead, they have found a reason to continue on that path?

Through my middle school years, the borders of my beliefs continued to grow through the additional support from my sisters. As I divulged with others and shared my experiences, mostly with my sisters, I found solace in the fact that they had also shared a similar basis of beliefs that they too felt like they were born with. We bonded over unusual experiences that no one else believed in due to the paranormal aura surrounding them. With age, we were able to solidify the core concepts that we feel to be true.

Some of these include:

1. The world and everything inside of it is all made up of matter held together by energy;

   1. This includes us as humans.

2. This energy held inside of us is increased and decreased based on the interactions we have and the toll it takes on our energy source;

   1. The amount is depleted throughout these exchanges. Things like conversations, work, hugs, even walking by someone at the store.

3. This energy inside of us can be put off balance and even blocked depending on the circumstances we experience.

   1. The unblocking of this energy, or chakra, is referred to as the practice of Reiki.

      
      

I remember my first Reiki well, but that is a story for another time.

One last belief that I would like to leave you with is one I have been able to solidify as what I correlate with our bigger purpose of being here on this Earth. I have faith that it is the reason I am who I am today, and that it plays a huge role in continuing to help guide me in a way that, eventually, I will learn my individualized purpose for being here.

This belief is that we have been placed here to give and receive love from one another; with the important caveat that no one leaves this world without getting hurt, or without hurting another. Knowing where our love is placed, and doing so with purpose and intention, is amongst the most important actions of reflection.

Growing up in a place where conformity felt like the only option, I often questioned not just the expectations around me but the very framework of belief that so many seemed to adopt without hesitation. My journey has been anything but traditional—it’s been uncertain, nonlinear, and deeply personal. And yet, it’s within that uncertainty that I’ve found the most clarity. I’ve learned that spirituality doesn’t have to come from doctrine, and belief doesn’t have to be bound by rules written long before our time. What I believe now is fluid, evolving, and rooted in experience rather than expectation. Whether through energy, connection, or love, I’ve come to understand that our purpose isn’t to follow blindly, but to seek meaning and intention. If that search leads us to the development of deeper compassion, to greater awareness, and to loving others and ourselves with care, then maybe that’s all the faith we need.

That’s all for now—thanks for hanging out and reading. I hope this post gave you something to think about, I’ve got more coming soon. If this resonated with you, I’d love to hear how so. Reach out with any comments and direct them to my email, which is posted under the contact section, and via the newsletter sign-up.